Start Up Of Me

Photo: Vladimir Kush

Photo: Vladimir Kush

Somehow I find myself in my 50's with a pretty incredible story.  Funny thing is,  I spent most of my life feeling like my story sucked.  It was so boring.  At best there may have been a little bit of romance to it, sprinkled with a tad of drama but nothing to traumatic.  My career as a pastor, had allowed me to be privy to tons of heroic stories.  I knew a miracle when I saw one. Blessed would be a good word to sum up my life.  

I created a habit to carve out time to document and hold in a sacred safe place for keeping my Defining Moments in life thus far.  

Defining Moments are markers that can serve as insight in retrospect.  Remember that no one is where she is by accident. Chance plays no part in the Divine's plan. I have found that my Defining Moments hold the recipe of my Elixir of Life encoded into them. I am here sharing in hopes of highlighting how there is always a Divine Plan at play.  

One of those moments was in the spring of 2010 - I was laying in an ER bed, asking the doctor -  is my life in danger.  He replied - well you do have a bacteria staph infection which resistant to Antibiotics inches from your brain, that is cause for concern.  I spent the next 5 weeks in and out of hospitals until they arrived at a drug cocktail that shut down the MRSA infecting my face.  For the first time in 18 workaholic years something had stopped me cold in my tracks.

My personality and disposition is highly directional. I am a visionary, with strong gifts in leadership.  In 1992, my husband and I moved to Arizona and launched a non-profit startup, a church. I had an entrepreneurial spirit to my core.  Both my father and mother were successful entrepreneurs,  it ran deep in my veins.  We zeroed in on targeting people who had never been to church before.  We may have been pastors of a church, but Monday through Friday we were business owners, on a mission to create a safe place where people could explore the spiritual side of life.  This approach gave us great success.  It was an incredible adventure. 

I was content to work my ass off - night and day - often behind the scenes.  The core of the people that I surrounded myself with - knew the valuable role I played.  In the end - this did not serve ME well. Twenty years of investing the very best of me into a business, yet as a woman I had nothing apart from my husband.  I allowed the world to view me as part of a package.  I was so buried in the work, I never once stopped to contemplate the magnitude of how I was designing my life.  

The vulnerability I faced with healing from MRSA on my FACE changed me.  Something was off, nothing quite gelled the same.  Over the next two years it was much like pressing a pause button that allowed me to take a heavily outward focus lifestyle and begin to shine a light inward.  I started actually having thoughts and concerns as to the life I was building for me. 

There was actually one person who I highly respected who pointed out to me - that everything I did was incredible but it was making a huge investment in everyone but myself, and had I considered the long term ramifications of that?  I have to say this stirred concern in a deep secret place inside and I knew it was a feeling I had to investigate further.  And this sent me off on a path that became The Start-Up of Me.