When The Struggle Is Real

When The Struggle Is Real

I used to have a 3:00 pm witching hour. That is what I called it. My stomach will still do a little ugh flip sometimes when I notice the time 3:00 pm on a clock. I stormed Twitter today with these tweets below. I thought I would share it here. This is how I overcame my witching hour:

I desperately want to know the Sacred part of me. Know it deeply. I want to know its nature. I also know my tiny mad mind interferes like a roaring lion.

I must disengage and take up the seat of a witness to this tiny mad mind, in order to clear the way for the birth of something SACRED inside of me. I am afraid the SACRED will not share space with madness. I surrender my space.

Surrender would be letting go of the part of me that is struggling. I think the key to overcoming the struggle is to purposely put inside my thoughts - DWELL ON - something more productive than - what I like and dislike. My mind can serve such a greater purpose. Liberated.

I will be liberated from struggling if I set my mind on better things. I should just stop and contemplate liberation from the tiny mad ways of my mind. If I am focusing on the struggle, this reveals I are not valuing the moments placed in front of me.

The moment I am struggling with, THAT moment is creating a perfect world for me. Trust the moment in front me. Can I trust the moment?

Why would I want to distract myself with the constant dialogue of what I like and what I don't like - and miss the moment, miss this gift?

Let go of the part of you that is keeping you from the moments. When you find yourself missing the moments, buried in anxiety, feeling the panic, tell the moment - thank you.

Stop and marvel at the journey this moment has made to present itself in front of you. It deserves your attention.

Acknowledge it has the ingredients of stars. Science proves this out. Imagine, that the very stars that dance in the night skies are the furnaces of the universe. Those stars are creating everything for you, including the moment in front of you.

STRUGGLE is a thing, something real - robbing me of life.

What is the motivation of the struggle? How can I negotiate with this motivation?

I determine, I am going to keep a 'struggle' journal - write down the times - and the actual struggle, see what manifests out of the pages of the journal of struggle. The Law of Habit is most likely at work. What is its triggers?

I have an underlying opinion that there is nothing new here, nothing really worthy of my time, my attention, I am not really on track to accomplish anything of real value. And if I did - so what? then what? I do not find this acceptable. It is my responsibility to change this.

I feel useless - beyond ineffective. Ineffective sucks, but useless is a death blow. What if I stopped acknowledging, stopped listening to what my mind seems to be sorting out? What if I became more intentional in accepting what the flow of life presents?

My Journal of "Struggle" brings me peace. I am wrestling out a powerful practice of Acceptance. I started this journal from a deep feeling of regret and shame at my progress and the truth unveils in the process.

I have to trust that I am where I am. It is by design. I have to demand more from my mind - it is too destructive, I have to see differently, I have to look for beauty. I don't like what I see naturally. Mindless, useless sights for sore eyes.

Photo by Sérgio Rola on Unsplash